


i will learn to let you go (you are loved)

by MapleAppleBittle



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Not A Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:17:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2598476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleAppleBittle/pseuds/MapleAppleBittle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He vaguely remembers that he used to loathe her, once upon a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i will learn to let you go (you are loved)

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Light by Sleeping at Last.

“You can’t do this.”

She’s looking at him with those wide, hopeful eyes and _damn it_ he wishes things were different. God knows she deserves much better than this. He wants to touch her, feel her pressed against him. He wants to reach out to her, to do anything to make this better.

But he doesn’t.

“Clarke.” His eyes squeeze shut. Maybe if he doesn’t look at her, this will be easier. But he knows that’s a lie, knows that nothing is ever going to make leaving her anything less than the most difficult thing he’s ever done. “You know why I can’t stay.”

“I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again.” Her voice is insistent, and his heart is aching. “We need you, _I_ need you. Bellamy, _please_. I can’t lead these kids without you.” Her voice breaks and he rests one hand on her shoulder, the only contact he can bear to make with her right now.

He vaguely remembers that he used to loathe her, once upon a time. Because she stood up to him, because she was a natural born leader, much better than he ever was. Because she was smarter than him, and kinder. All of the reasons he used to hate her, are the reasons he loves her.

(The reasons he can hardly bear to let her go.)

But he knows, he has to go. If he wants her, and Octavia, and all the other goddamn people on this camp to stay alive, he has to. Has to walk away from her and never come back. He made his choice, a long time ago. Her safety, and everyone else's, comes first. Even if it kills him. 

"And _I_ told _you!"_ He shouts, because maybe it's better that she hates him, like before. "I need to make sure everyone here stays alive. I'm sorry if your highness doesn't like it, but that's the way it is." Her face falls, but he doesn't regret it, because every word of it is true. "If that means I need to turn myself into the Grounders to make that happen, then that's what I need to do. And I need  _you_ to pull yourself together, because somebody's got to take care of everyone."

Clarke clenches her jaw, but nods, and he sighs in relief. She doesn't have to like it- he doesn't either, but he needs her to accept it. Not just because the camp needs a leader, no- because if she accepts it, it will be easier for him to do the same.

He kisses her then, and tries to pretend he can't feel her tears on his cheek.

He always thought he was a monster. But now? He can be a hero.

He walks away.


End file.
